Small girl underweight,
small girl can’t donate blood
because small girl underweight!
Small girl too skinny for skinny jeans.
Small girl needs to eat more
so she could move from being
Ugly ugly to being medium ugly
Small girl ugly.
Small girl-  too small.

My mind and stomach have been at war for years,
a constant battle in which my stomach is always losing.
I  like to think it’s because of a medical reason like-
Not deworming for 8 years or having some sort of chemical imbalance that messed up the relationship between my brian and stomach.

Small girl doesn’t have a medical problem.
Small girl kinda wishes she did though.
Small girl’s papa thinks one day small girl will just not wake up or that everytime small girl gets sick,
it’s weight related
because  in his eyes I’m a seed
planted in the dark,
didn’t grow just right and unfortunately got stuck with this body.
I am a withered flower with no self- esteem and stress who is just trying to get by
So why won’t you let me?

Food policing me everyday,
assumed to have an eating disorder as though Anorexia and bulimia are body types.

In a weird twisted wayyou think
you are motivating me to get “healthy” but truth be told am sick and tired and tired and sick of how skinny people are made to feel so undesirable,
of how thickness is glorified these days and of you constantly telling me things like,
“Eat more, no one wants to date a walking toothpick or
bet you still fit in clothes you got when you were 12 or
you have such a pretty face
imagine if you gained weight.
And my personal favourite,
so you want to be a model?
Let me tell you,
size zero isn’t a real size or body.
Being skinny isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”

Your sense of entitlement and need to objectify me in that manner is just – heartbreaking .

Small girl sad,
small girl tired,
small girl upset,
small girl has
had enough of being food policed,
of being watched when I eat,
do you have any idea how uncomfortable that is?
I just want to enjoy food again.

And come to think of it,
small girl just girl and
will not let you describe
her by her size any longer,
I love the skin am in and
you don’t have to
“reach out and help me.”
I do eat
sometimes a whole loaf for breakfast,
In fact small girl
I mean
girl wants  food now.